Holiday's

This is, unfortunately, the time of the year that I dislike the most. I am so stressed with work-the pressures of a new change, the pressure of wanting to adopt again but having Bruce not. I wish I could get over these feelings, but am unable to. I have a hard time now with Chrislande and her constant activity, don't know how I would handle having bringing a child how with a disability while working the schedule that I do. I have started to look at the posibility of doing marketing retail work. I have been talking with a rep that comes to service my store weekly. I have been doing research thru the internet and have listed with an online sight. We will see. I still want to find a way to bring Joshua home. I will find a way, I am determined on this matter. It is just the finacial aspect that is still causing issues. Joshua has a significant grant, we could apply for another grant, but would still have to come up with the initial $$ so that we could start the process. Why am I so afraid of taking that step? We are starting to get ready here at the house for the holidays. Kaylee has her holiday concert this week. My parents are coming over for it on Thursday. Next week, Chrislande goes to have her eye's tested again. At school they did an initial test and determined that she is seeing 20-50. This might explain why she sits close to the tv at night, why she has sloppy handwritting, and why she needs the books close to her face. Or then again, maybe not. Finding that I am having a harder time of dealing with her when she isn't medicated. This past weekend was very rough. Although Bruce stated that they had a good day on Monday when they were home together as she didn't have school and Bruce took a vacation day. Kaylee goes to have molds made of her mouth for braces in 2 weeks. Talking with Bruce, we are feeling her out to see about what she thinks about Santa. Going to a Catholic school, they seem to hold onto the belief longer. Just like Tyler, she will be told if you don't believe, you don't receive. And don't spoil it for your little sister. Speaking of Tyler, he seems to be doing great at school. We don't hear much from him, as he has always kept to himself. He tells us that he is getting good grades in all his classes. When he was home for Thanksgiving, I noticed that his school email account was requesting a password change, so I lost my ability to keep tabs. Trying to find the time to do shopping, find what I want to get everyone. and stay sane this season. Bought new computers the HP thru employee discounts and received 2 Nook Simple Touches free. Was planning to give one to Bruce, but he went and bought an I-Pad Mini. Now what to do with them as they are not returnable. The desktop computer came today, just waiting on the laptop now. Bruce is being Santa twice this coming weekend--at my store and at the neighborhood event. Just have to figure out how to keep the girls occupied as none of the kids don't know that Bruce does this. He has been doing this for over 20 years. As the years have turned, the need for him to use pillows for the mid section have reduced as the natural padding has taken over. Hope everyone enjoys their days. Remember the reason for the season. Lori

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. Tomorrow I will talk to Bruce about Joshua again. I had gotten an additional bonus at work that will cover most of the homestudy cost I am thinking. Then I will get serious after that in applying for adoption grants and coming up with fundraising for his adoption. I know most likely heat his answer will be, especially after the afternoon and evening we have had with Chrislande today. She can't seem to stay still very long today. Today is the first day of the weekend and also a medicine free day. He doesn't know how to cope. Wish I had the resources to help her cope with all that is racing thru her mind. It's like the wheels are spinning so fast that she just can't find a way to slow down. Poor baby. It is very tiring on us though as we struggle thru this. Any ideas? All that I can think about is fitting Joshua into our family. How I would find a position doing maybe merchandising on my own time schedule so that I could work with him. Still waiting to see if there might be a position with that friend. Haven't heard from her lately. Must not be available. We went to look at a new bed yesterday, may be getting a king size bed, the space would be great as it has been almost 15 years since we bought a bed when we had to replace a waterbed that sprung a leak. Found one we like, just want to see what else is out there. The girls did fine today as both of us had to work this morning. Told them that we would take them to Appleton if the worked together getting their chores done, so we are doing a road trip tomorrow, yeah. Tyler came home last weekend, it sure was great to see him again. Really do miss him around here. He seems to be doing okay with his classes, getting good grades and all. Just apparently had some trouble by getting a noise violation one night and now he has to clean his record. Only know this since I still have access to his college email account. Hopefully he doesn't change his password. The 4-legged kids are doing naughty things, at least I think that the blind new is. I seem to more pee marks on my carpeting than I had before. So frustrating, I just get them cleaned and he starts doing it again. Need to find something that will deter him so he doesn't keep doing it. Apparently the spray I have isn't doing the trick. Work just isn't fun anymore. Have an assistant manager being forced to step down and now he feels that he should be able to dictate what his schedule should be in one of the key months, I don't think so. He didn't follow thru yesterday with his tasks, so will be interesting to see what he will accomplish this, his last weekend. Battery running low, time to recharge--till tomorrow. Lori

Gotta love your boss

Today I had my annual performance evaluation. Never mind that I am on vacation and that I had to drive 1.5 hours to attend it. Apparently I am doing a good job, having improved from last year, not enough to raise my score/grade. I am so very tired of doing what is expected--even going above and beyond, only to be beat up on my performance. I have over 34 years with this company, never had a problem till this anal controlling person was put as our district head. He has it out for 8 of us for some reason. My store makes money, I stay on top of programs, I score high in employee engagement. I am so pissed, I have talked to that friend that I know and she has a part time position--15/20 hours at $16/hour. I am taking it, getting my foot into hotel management, then leaving when the time is right. Going full time with them. Or maybe I will contact kwiktrip also, like most of our employees that are fed up with the way our company is going. Looking into getting our windows replaced. Have someone coming tomorrow and on the 17th for estimates. Can't wait to see what that cost is going to be. We have 15 windows that we would need to replace. Will update this weekend.

Wish I knew how

I wish I knew how to find a way to bring another child to our family. We are trying to get rid of credit card debt by taking out a loan against my profit sharing account after paying down the debt thru a debt management company the last 3 years. We still aren't where I would like to see us financially, but we are improving. Now Tyler has started college and since we didn't set up any accounts we are having to take out loans to help with his schooling. Ugh. It just seems never ending. I know we have the hearts to bring him into our lives, but the finances still scare me. How can I find a way to fix that? We have changed so much already in our lives. You see other families that seem to have less, with more debt be able to feel comfortable bringing in other children, children with or without special needs. I pray nightly for a sign that this is meant to be, butas of yet no sign has appeared. I have even asked a friend about doing part-time work for them to try and raise money. Please help me see that yes we are meant to be Joshua's family or not.

Please pray

Please pray for the people in Haiti. For our daughter's orphanage, that they weather the storms upon them tonight. They have been thru so much already.

Change is coming

Starting to wash Tyler's things for college--his towels, sheets, blankets and such. This weekend need to go thru things to make sure we have everything for Wednesday. I can't believe that he only has 9 days till move in day. Today I made out 2 weeks of schedules so that I can have some vacation time off. I can hardly wait. The day we move Tyler to his dorm, kaylee has her appointment at children's hospital, the girls have open house at both schools. I thought we were done doing something at 3 different schools on the same day--guess not. Not really have much fun at work anymore. I am too old to start over though. Have been trying to find something else for awhile, just nothing out there. I worked for the same company for too many years--34 years. Time for a change soon. Lori

So Proud

Yesterday was a very proud moment for both Bruce and I. Tyler received his Eagle award. The highest honor a Boy Scout can achieve. Very few scouts make it to this level. He always said he wanted to be like his uncle Dave when he started scouting by getting to that level. Dave was even able to attend the ceremony and participate in the ceremony. He shared the day with his friend Nathaniel and lots of family and friends. Even my parents drove over to attend the ceremony, as this was also their 51st wedding anniversary weekend. Thank you Mom and Dad for coming and spending the time with us. Today we spent the time shopping for college items for him as he only has 1.5 weeks left before we move him into his dorm. Bought him a tv tonight so he is making sure that everything is working with it. On Friday we noticed that our cat Tiny had an infection on one of his ears that was very painful to touch. I have been cleaning it out with hydrogen peroxide and putting antibiotic ointment onto it. Tonight it seems like it is finally working and not as painful for him. Just don't understand what he did to his ear, but at least it appears we have it healing now. Kaylee has been wanting the movie Hunger Games as it came out this weekend. Boy did she hit the jackpot, we had the game yesterday on sale for a price that was cheaper than anyone else. So with my discount added in, she got a deal. Nice cool day, nice family day, hopefully a week that will be better than the last 2 have been these past 2 weeks(haven't had a day off in close to 3 weeks). Really need to find different work--somewhere that appreciates me. Have a good week. Lori

So tired

I am so tired of drama. It is running strong in the store, in the company and again in the family. Why does it need to be around? Why can't I deal with it better? Why can't I feel happy about about things, why do I think I need more? Do I have more of me to give? I a, having to work 2 weeks straight without a day off due to the drama at the store. Why? All I want to do is provide a home for my family, bring in 1, maybe 2 more. Am I being selfish in doing this? Am I doing this for the right reason's? I sure hope so.

Tomorrow

Tyler comes home tomorrow!!! Can hardly wait, Bruce is leaving around 6am to drive almost 3 hours to get him and bring him home. It is also Bruce's birthday tomorrow. Chrislande and I made him a cake tonight, she cracked the eggs and put all the liquids into the mixing bowl, turned it on and...licked the bowl. It was really cute. I was looking at Reece's rainbow, Josiah has had money added to his account. I mentioned to Bruce that his adoption would be paid for, his comment was--we are still dealing with problems with Chrislande, how can we deal with another? I just mentioned that she is getting better, that we could do it. I have planted the seed, let's see if it is meant to be. Also, I asked someone today if her husband might have a part-time at home position. She questioned if I was serious, I said I was. She is going to talk to her husband. We will see where that takes us. Please pray for positivity. Lori

Three more days

Three more days and Tyler comes home for 3weeks. Yeah! Today is starting out hot and humid, another day with the ac on. Really don't like to have it on, but we like comfort also. Tomorrow we can open the windows Vacation drawing to a close, back to reality of all that is going on. Time to get clean and clean up the house. Have a great weekend

So

I am thinking that if I can figure out how to have the money for the homestudy and the most likely the 1st payment to the agency, we could do this. Even if it means getting a second job at home, I will do it. Found a blog today of a couple that adopted a young girl from eastern Europe when she was 3 years old, and she is able to walk now, speak and go to school like everyone else. Very encouraging to read about. We can do this. Now though IBSER is slow to allow dossiers to be admitted. Can we wait that long again? Can Joshua wait that long? Would we maybe allowed to bring him home on a medical? Please pray that I formalize a plan and we move forward with it next week. He needs a home now

Beautiful Day

Today is starting out bright and sunny and WARM. Last night we were able to get the lawn cut, yes it is growing--must be the dew that is showing up at night to water, got some weeds pulled. Chrislande played in her sandbox with weeds trying to make them stand up like she was planting them. She was grounded from playing with friends as she had jumped on her sister and elbowed her at the same time. And of course just saw the ferterlizer company pull up to treat the lawn. 4 more days till Tyler comes home for 3 weeks before moving to college. He gets his wisdom teeth out next friday and depending on how he feels, will help a friend with his eagle project. We also have his Eagle Ceremony before he goes to college. Just doesn't seem possible that he is that old already. Just 2 more years and Kaylee is in High School and possibly driving herself also. That there is one scary thought as at times she is my blond asian child. Then there is Chrislande, my young at heart always. She was all excited to be able to bring her bike today to extra mile as they are having wheel day. I find that even though I am off these few days, it is best not to change her schedule to much as it really throws her off. She needs the structure. During the week we keep her on her medicine and only on the weekends do we not use it. She needs reminders then, but she does okay. During the week she needs it because she tends to be too impulsive and not able to focus on situations correctly. But she is a sweetheart. She is hoping to go with Daddy next week if he needs to pick up Tyler from camp as he is her buddy. She only has problems if she needs to leave him--not so much while he is gone. This has been good to prepare her for the end of the month. Take care--till later Lor

Relaxing

Today I didn't really do much in the way of work. I did pull a bunch of weeds in the back area tonight that really needed but have been unable to do because of the horrid heat. And because of the heat, lots of the thistles have gone to seed, so they will be multiplying shortly. Did find the strawberry plants amongst the weeds and freed them from the tangle of weeds. My wisteria is getting its seed pods already as are my sweet peas. Need to build a trellis next year for my sweet pea on the side of the house to grow up instead of all around the ground. Kaylee and I went and saw Ice Age the continental divide. Very cute movie, although the first one is the best. She also got the rest of her birthday present today. I gave in a helped her buy a hamster and belongings from PetsMart. She is in 7th heaven with this. She not only got a newer iPod, but a new pet. Told her it is her responsibility to take care of, and the first indication that she isn't, a new home will be found for him. So far she hasn't thought of a name for him. Heard back late last night from another homestudy agency, they also stated that a new homestudy would need to be done. Wonder if I can use any social worker for this and if thay would be cheaper. Sent a note to agency that would be helping us to see what her thoughts are on this. Sold stock to pay for Kaylee's school, just 1 more year after this for the catholic school. Chrislande goes to the public school as they have better resources for her so we don't pay for it directly. Take care and remember the reason we are here- the one above Lori

Roadblocks

It is seeming that I am running into all kinds of roadblocks to bring Joshua home. Found out that because we bring home too much money, we wouldn't be eligible for federal aid. Then when I contacted the agency that did our home study, was told that Haiti is closed to adoptions and we would need a full new home study, at a cost $2800 vs the update. Wondering if this is the sign that we aren't meant to be his family? I still believe a way will be found to bring him home, but right now I have my doubts. I searched the Internet to see if anyone had been asked about their experience in adopting a child with CP, and was surprised in what some of the responses were. Some were negative as to why anyone would want to adopt a child with this disability? I am doing self deep searching to make sure the reason is correct for my reasoning to bring him home, and not something else. Praying that I can see the correct direction soon so we can move in the correct direction

Disappointment

So, I am looking into the possibility of bringing Joshua home. Just found out that we might need to go thru a whole new homestudy vs just an update. Really bummed about that as the $$ go up for that. Am going to give the agency that did our last homestudy a call later today to ask more questions about that. Then, I have been searching the internet about possible aid for him, and he might not qualify due to what we make monthly. I am getting stressed that I might not make this happen. Going to explore the possibility of doing a fundraising garage sale at the end of September, maybe I can raise $$ to pay for the homestudy and go from there. Off to a dentist appointment then more internet searching. Trying not to let this get me down, but it is. Lori

Today

Today was to be the start of vacation for me, instead I worked. Tomorrow I only get a 1/2 day off due to a mandatory meeting. I had to work today so that I could send an assistant to another store since we are starting to run short of assistant help and going to non-management keyholders. This way they can pay them less and require the same amount of work out of them. They will be turning all our assistants over to non-management keyholders by 2014 and reducing their pay 20%. And we wonder why they are leaving fast and furious? Wednesday I am planning on doing some calls concerning moving forward to bring home Joshua. Finding out what type of homestudy needs to be done(update or full), checking to see what kind of medical help we might be able to receive--or if our salary is too much to allow. Praying things will be as I need them to be. Hearing a weird sound right now on our roof, look up to see some small birds playing around our sky-lights. Surprised the dogs aren't barking at this as they tend to bark at everything else. Must be some good bugs up there. Taking Kaylee and a girlfriend to the movies on Thursday for a small birthday treat. She turns 12 on sunday. Hard to believe the time has gone that fast. Tyler is coming home next week, he could be home as early as Monday, but for sure on Tuesday as Bruce may need to go pick him up then. On Friday next week he gets his remaining wisdom teeth out (all 3 of them). We have his and a friend of his Eagle Court of Honor on the 18th and then on the 29th we move him to UW-Whitewater to begin the next chapter of his life--college life. He is looking to study Biology with an emphasis on Freshwater Marine. If all goes like he is planning, his senior year would be spent over in Australia. Can't wait to go visit him. It doesn't sound like he really wants to work at camp next summer, at least the last time we saw him. Chrislande is starting to come up with the funniest sayings sometimes. Tonight at dinner time she said something that with the look in her eye's was hilarious. You just never know where she learns some of this stuff. She is also starting to get very bossy with her little friends, need to watch this and curb that so sh doesn't have too much trouble. Yesterday I worked to do her upper hair braids to look nicer. They turned out pretty well I must say. Really like how long her hair is getting. I have been doing my version of cornrows on top/front and doing 2 strand twist on the lower back area and using beads on them. I think I have finally figured out how to do it so it doesn't pull her hair too much and thus have less crying spells. Still need to do in shifts as she doesn't like how slow I am when doing this. Even putting on the tv doesn't help out very much. Thanks for listening Lori

Maybe some hope

Last month we paid off our credit card debt that we have been working with a family management company for 3 years by getting a loan against my profit sharing account. Not the wisest, but will be completely gone within 5 years. A new beginning as this is saving us more that $800 a month by doing it this way. Well, I apparently overpaid some of the accounts by $800 as of right now. I am thinking that we should be able to use this money towards the agency application fee and the homestudy update so that we can start the process to bring home Joshua. Once we have the homestudy update completed, I can apply for the Show Hope grant that will get us closer to the total amount needed. I just need to do the checking with the agency that did our original homestudy for Chrislande to see if that is possible. Then it will be easier to tell Bruce the plan, that we may be doing fundraising this time around. Also have been obtaining information about CP and what help would be available for him when he comes home. Praying all falls into place and that I can email and say that yes we are his family finally. Have a great weekend all, finally cool enough to have the ac off again. Lori

Time off coming up

Next week I am suppose to have vacation, but---because assistants are leaving the company in fast action, I am now working all day on Monday, a 1/2 day for a meeting on Tuesday. I should be off the rest of the week. Sunday is Kaylee's birthday, she is turning 12 already. Hard to believe. She was only 7 months when she came home. Boy she has changed. I am going to start making phone calls to the agency that did our last home study to see if we only need to an update or a full home study again. Finding out that I have about $500 coming from over paying credit cards that we have paid off by getting a loan against my retirement fund. That should be paid off in about 5 years, then we will feel more comfortable. We seem to be getting about 1-2 days of relief from the heat, where we are able to open the windows and turn the air off. Then it heats up again and we are enclosed. Yesterday and today it actually rained, about 2 inches-- was sucked up fast into the ground. First rain we have had in about 2 months. The only problem when it rains, Kero( our blind doxie) doesn't like the feel on the wet grass and decides it is much easier to just use the inside of the house--not the best situation. Peanut(our doxie mix with the deformed legs)prefers to not move too much in the heat. He is just so proud of his ability to jump onto the couch and sleep there. I seem to have a habit of obtaining special needs animals also. We just our oldest doxie Sid due to cancer and a seizure disorder, he was 10 years. They are all good boys though, even Tiny our cat. Hope you enjoyed the day--enjoy the upcoming weekend also Have the Relay for Life Walk tomorrow that Chrislande and I will do as Bruce has a Quarter Century Picnic for work and Kaylee will be staying at a friends house.

Why can't I?

Why do I have such a hard time talking to Bruce about bringing Joshua home? Why can't I tell him how much our lives will be enriched by having him in our family?

Typical Monday

Why does it seem like when you have a great weekend off from work, you go back and all hell appears to have broken loose. I think all this heat is getting to everyone. It brings out the crazies like you wouldn't believe. They seem to come out of the woodwork. I feel sorry for the girls, I don't like them playing outside with the heat and they appear to be getting cabin fever. Kaylee went with some her friends looking for crawfish. She called earlier saying she has some and wants them to cohabitate with tadpoles she has in a tank on the front porch. I am surprises they are still alive and not boiled in the heat. She caught a dragonfly yesterday for them and they were very greedy she said. She is quite happy that she only has 4 more days of summer school, although this week she making homemade bottle rockets in her science class. Bruce has been working with another family on getting Tyler's and their sons Eagle Scout program set up before the boy's go off to college. I am planning that, making sure things are collected beyond what he might have leftover from working at the boy scout camp this summer, his first job at that. He found who his roommate will be this past weekend. Hope everyone is staying cool and safe. Enjoy your week Lori

Will you support us?

I would like to move forward on bringing Joshua home, but we need to fundraise in order to do this. If we put a chip in button on here, will you support us?

Great Day yesterday

We drove 2.5 hours yesterday to see Tyler. He is working at a Boy Scout camp as an assistant cook this summer making spending money for his first year at college. He has been gone since June 10 and isn't due home till Aug. 7. We are planning his Eagle presentation ceremony with one of his friends who also achieved the ranking this year two weeks later. Then it's off to college to study Biology, with a freshwater emphasis. I just can't believe we are at that point with having a child done with high school and going on into the world on another adventure. He just found out what hall he will be staying next year and who his roommate will be. Exciting and scary. Chrislande was upset yesterday when we left him still there, I can't imagine how she will react when we take him to school. Told her that she can go with Dad when he gets him at the end of camp. She sure loves her big brother. She ran up to him yesterday and wouldn't let go of him for quite some time. Was so cute.

Going forward?

Trying to figure out how to go forward. How to put our trust in the one so that we can possibly bring Joshua home. We need to make sure we are able to get the money going to get the ball rolling. Need to dig deep in faith so that this can happen. Praying that this comes to us on how to get this started and that the decision to bring him home is what is intended for us. That this is what he wants us to do. Praying daily for the signs to point us in the correct direction and we can make the positive direction soon.

Thinking

So, The orphanage that Chrislande lived in for 5 years is now looking for a family for a 5 year old boy named Joshua. I have been thinking alot about adoption again. Thinking that I would like this little boy should join our family. My husband thinks I am crazy. Doesn't understand why,(but then I don't know if I know why). I just feel a stirring in my heart for some reason. Chrislande has now been home for 2 years now. She is doing good, struggles at times with listening, but is very outgoing. So why do I feel the need to bring another child into our home? Am I crazy? I work long hours by being a retail store manager and know that Joshua would require lots of help, but I seem to strive on stress and challenging situations. There are wonderful people that are working to raise funds to help his family bring him home and to raise money for his medical expenses for after he gets home. Do I keep working on my husband to see that we would be able to handle another child at this time or pray that another family steps forward to bring him into their love?