Holiday's

This is, unfortunately, the time of the year that I dislike the most. I am so stressed with work-the pressures of a new change, the pressure of wanting to adopt again but having Bruce not. I wish I could get over these feelings, but am unable to. I have a hard time now with Chrislande and her constant activity, don't know how I would handle having bringing a child how with a disability while working the schedule that I do. I have started to look at the posibility of doing marketing retail work. I have been talking with a rep that comes to service my store weekly. I have been doing research thru the internet and have listed with an online sight. We will see. I still want to find a way to bring Joshua home. I will find a way, I am determined on this matter. It is just the finacial aspect that is still causing issues. Joshua has a significant grant, we could apply for another grant, but would still have to come up with the initial $$ so that we could start the process. Why am I so afraid of taking that step? We are starting to get ready here at the house for the holidays. Kaylee has her holiday concert this week. My parents are coming over for it on Thursday. Next week, Chrislande goes to have her eye's tested again. At school they did an initial test and determined that she is seeing 20-50. This might explain why she sits close to the tv at night, why she has sloppy handwritting, and why she needs the books close to her face. Or then again, maybe not. Finding that I am having a harder time of dealing with her when she isn't medicated. This past weekend was very rough. Although Bruce stated that they had a good day on Monday when they were home together as she didn't have school and Bruce took a vacation day. Kaylee goes to have molds made of her mouth for braces in 2 weeks. Talking with Bruce, we are feeling her out to see about what she thinks about Santa. Going to a Catholic school, they seem to hold onto the belief longer. Just like Tyler, she will be told if you don't believe, you don't receive. And don't spoil it for your little sister. Speaking of Tyler, he seems to be doing great at school. We don't hear much from him, as he has always kept to himself. He tells us that he is getting good grades in all his classes. When he was home for Thanksgiving, I noticed that his school email account was requesting a password change, so I lost my ability to keep tabs. Trying to find the time to do shopping, find what I want to get everyone. and stay sane this season. Bought new computers the HP thru employee discounts and received 2 Nook Simple Touches free. Was planning to give one to Bruce, but he went and bought an I-Pad Mini. Now what to do with them as they are not returnable. The desktop computer came today, just waiting on the laptop now. Bruce is being Santa twice this coming weekend--at my store and at the neighborhood event. Just have to figure out how to keep the girls occupied as none of the kids don't know that Bruce does this. He has been doing this for over 20 years. As the years have turned, the need for him to use pillows for the mid section have reduced as the natural padding has taken over. Hope everyone enjoys their days. Remember the reason for the season. Lori

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. Tomorrow I will talk to Bruce about Joshua again. I had gotten an additional bonus at work that will cover most of the homestudy cost I am thinking. Then I will get serious after that in applying for adoption grants and coming up with fundraising for his adoption. I know most likely heat his answer will be, especially after the afternoon and evening we have had with Chrislande today. She can't seem to stay still very long today. Today is the first day of the weekend and also a medicine free day. He doesn't know how to cope. Wish I had the resources to help her cope with all that is racing thru her mind. It's like the wheels are spinning so fast that she just can't find a way to slow down. Poor baby. It is very tiring on us though as we struggle thru this. Any ideas? All that I can think about is fitting Joshua into our family. How I would find a position doing maybe merchandising on my own time schedule so that I could work with him. Still waiting to see if there might be a position with that friend. Haven't heard from her lately. Must not be available. We went to look at a new bed yesterday, may be getting a king size bed, the space would be great as it has been almost 15 years since we bought a bed when we had to replace a waterbed that sprung a leak. Found one we like, just want to see what else is out there. The girls did fine today as both of us had to work this morning. Told them that we would take them to Appleton if the worked together getting their chores done, so we are doing a road trip tomorrow, yeah. Tyler came home last weekend, it sure was great to see him again. Really do miss him around here. He seems to be doing okay with his classes, getting good grades and all. Just apparently had some trouble by getting a noise violation one night and now he has to clean his record. Only know this since I still have access to his college email account. Hopefully he doesn't change his password. The 4-legged kids are doing naughty things, at least I think that the blind new is. I seem to more pee marks on my carpeting than I had before. So frustrating, I just get them cleaned and he starts doing it again. Need to find something that will deter him so he doesn't keep doing it. Apparently the spray I have isn't doing the trick. Work just isn't fun anymore. Have an assistant manager being forced to step down and now he feels that he should be able to dictate what his schedule should be in one of the key months, I don't think so. He didn't follow thru yesterday with his tasks, so will be interesting to see what he will accomplish this, his last weekend. Battery running low, time to recharge--till tomorrow. Lori

Gotta love your boss

Today I had my annual performance evaluation. Never mind that I am on vacation and that I had to drive 1.5 hours to attend it. Apparently I am doing a good job, having improved from last year, not enough to raise my score/grade. I am so very tired of doing what is expected--even going above and beyond, only to be beat up on my performance. I have over 34 years with this company, never had a problem till this anal controlling person was put as our district head. He has it out for 8 of us for some reason. My store makes money, I stay on top of programs, I score high in employee engagement. I am so pissed, I have talked to that friend that I know and she has a part time position--15/20 hours at $16/hour. I am taking it, getting my foot into hotel management, then leaving when the time is right. Going full time with them. Or maybe I will contact kwiktrip also, like most of our employees that are fed up with the way our company is going. Looking into getting our windows replaced. Have someone coming tomorrow and on the 17th for estimates. Can't wait to see what that cost is going to be. We have 15 windows that we would need to replace. Will update this weekend.

Wish I knew how

I wish I knew how to find a way to bring another child to our family. We are trying to get rid of credit card debt by taking out a loan against my profit sharing account after paying down the debt thru a debt management company the last 3 years. We still aren't where I would like to see us financially, but we are improving. Now Tyler has started college and since we didn't set up any accounts we are having to take out loans to help with his schooling. Ugh. It just seems never ending. I know we have the hearts to bring him into our lives, but the finances still scare me. How can I find a way to fix that? We have changed so much already in our lives. You see other families that seem to have less, with more debt be able to feel comfortable bringing in other children, children with or without special needs. I pray nightly for a sign that this is meant to be, butas of yet no sign has appeared. I have even asked a friend about doing part-time work for them to try and raise money. Please help me see that yes we are meant to be Joshua's family or not.

Please pray

Please pray for the people in Haiti. For our daughter's orphanage, that they weather the storms upon them tonight. They have been thru so much already.

Change is coming

Starting to wash Tyler's things for college--his towels, sheets, blankets and such. This weekend need to go thru things to make sure we have everything for Wednesday. I can't believe that he only has 9 days till move in day. Today I made out 2 weeks of schedules so that I can have some vacation time off. I can hardly wait. The day we move Tyler to his dorm, kaylee has her appointment at children's hospital, the girls have open house at both schools. I thought we were done doing something at 3 different schools on the same day--guess not. Not really have much fun at work anymore. I am too old to start over though. Have been trying to find something else for awhile, just nothing out there. I worked for the same company for too many years--34 years. Time for a change soon. Lori

So Proud

Yesterday was a very proud moment for both Bruce and I. Tyler received his Eagle award. The highest honor a Boy Scout can achieve. Very few scouts make it to this level. He always said he wanted to be like his uncle Dave when he started scouting by getting to that level. Dave was even able to attend the ceremony and participate in the ceremony. He shared the day with his friend Nathaniel and lots of family and friends. Even my parents drove over to attend the ceremony, as this was also their 51st wedding anniversary weekend. Thank you Mom and Dad for coming and spending the time with us. Today we spent the time shopping for college items for him as he only has 1.5 weeks left before we move him into his dorm. Bought him a tv tonight so he is making sure that everything is working with it. On Friday we noticed that our cat Tiny had an infection on one of his ears that was very painful to touch. I have been cleaning it out with hydrogen peroxide and putting antibiotic ointment onto it. Tonight it seems like it is finally working and not as painful for him. Just don't understand what he did to his ear, but at least it appears we have it healing now. Kaylee has been wanting the movie Hunger Games as it came out this weekend. Boy did she hit the jackpot, we had the game yesterday on sale for a price that was cheaper than anyone else. So with my discount added in, she got a deal. Nice cool day, nice family day, hopefully a week that will be better than the last 2 have been these past 2 weeks(haven't had a day off in close to 3 weeks). Really need to find different work--somewhere that appreciates me. Have a good week. Lori