So was hoping for better news

I had so hoped to have been able to have changed jobs last year. Didn't happen. Thought that if this did happen, Joshua would become a member of our family. Not going to happen, they don't let you adopt if you are over 50 now. That is just not fair. I was so going to make this work. Tyler went back to college last week, only to find out he doesn't have a room mate this semester. So today I made a road trip to bring him his tv and xbox. His previous room mate had brought these, so he didn't need his. We were going to do this as a family on Sunday, but the weather really isn't looking too good. So instead, I missed Kaylee participating in the Knights of Columbus free throw local and district contest, which she won no problem. Onto the regional in February in Milwaukee. At least I will be able to go to that one. Last year she made it all the way to state. My parents were able to meet us to watch her at this level, even though she didn't go very far, she had fun. I have an interview of sorts on Monday. Maybe.

What a year!

Boy, where to start. I celebrated working for the same company for 35 years in August. This is the only company that I have ever worked for and once again I have been told that I am not putting forth with working our new company initiatives. Never mind that my store has a positive sales trend, I have minimal employee turnover and team members from other stores want to come to work here with my staff. In July, I was finishing up a last minute project, misstepped off a 6 foot latter, and fell, broke my left foot. And I did quite a number on it. I had to have my foot immobilized and non weight bearing for 2 months. Then I continued with a walking cast for another month, while enduring physical therapy during that time. I have now been walking with a shoe for about a month, with still a limp. But it is healing with no surgery, but it can feel the weather now that it is getting colder. Very scared as to what will transpire once the snow falls and ice comes. Now also, this week I have been sick. I had a sinus infection, ear infection(which I am still having issues with) and my sinus infection caused an infection in my eyes. One thing after another. My heart is still with Joshua, I can't seem to get him off my mind. His pictures are looking so big, but he needs a family. I really want to approach Bruce again about him, now that I am actively looking for another job due not wanting to put up with the stress that this a$$ of boss that I have. I am hoping that within the next 2 weeks I can say SEE YAH! Joshua really needs the help of a family and now. He is the oldest there and been there the longest, I think. If things go as planned with a new job, I will ask Bruce once again about Joshua. But in the meantime, I might be adding a new doxie boy to the family. We have a home visit this coming Saturday. We will see Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks, that means that Tyler will be home again. Since he has a vehicle at school this year, he has only been home 1 weekend and that was early October for high school homecoming. He seems to be doing well again this year for school, said he is on track to spend a semester in Australia in 2015. Very proud of how hard he is doing in school. Kaylee and Chrislande are doing well also. Kaylee just made first semester honor roll with a 3.24 grade point average. Even though she at times she acts like a blonde. Chrislande is continuing to grow, but sometimes needs redirection. We tried a different medication for a short time, but found it wasn't right and are now trying something different. We struggle with her on the weekends and need to find the correct adjustment during that time. We met recently met with her educational team about making sure that she will continue to have additional help, especially during testing. It was agreed that she would get this help. Now that she doesn't qualify for English as a Second Language help, this is huge foe her. I constantly worry that she will get lost in the system and not continue to learn as she goes into the upper grades. 5th grade starts middle school here, and they need to transition between classes. Chrislande doesn't like to transition, she needs everything to be a schedule. Right now she has a fixation with reading over and over the Night Before Christmas. She is also very impatient for St. Nick coming shortly. It is as if the last 3 years she doesn't remember and everything is new once again for her. My hope for her is someday she will catch up with her peers.

Holiday's

This is, unfortunately, the time of the year that I dislike the most. I am so stressed with work-the pressures of a new change, the pressure of wanting to adopt again but having Bruce not. I wish I could get over these feelings, but am unable to. I have a hard time now with Chrislande and her constant activity, don't know how I would handle having bringing a child how with a disability while working the schedule that I do. I have started to look at the posibility of doing marketing retail work. I have been talking with a rep that comes to service my store weekly. I have been doing research thru the internet and have listed with an online sight. We will see. I still want to find a way to bring Joshua home. I will find a way, I am determined on this matter. It is just the finacial aspect that is still causing issues. Joshua has a significant grant, we could apply for another grant, but would still have to come up with the initial $$ so that we could start the process. Why am I so afraid of taking that step? We are starting to get ready here at the house for the holidays. Kaylee has her holiday concert this week. My parents are coming over for it on Thursday. Next week, Chrislande goes to have her eye's tested again. At school they did an initial test and determined that she is seeing 20-50. This might explain why she sits close to the tv at night, why she has sloppy handwritting, and why she needs the books close to her face. Or then again, maybe not. Finding that I am having a harder time of dealing with her when she isn't medicated. This past weekend was very rough. Although Bruce stated that they had a good day on Monday when they were home together as she didn't have school and Bruce took a vacation day. Kaylee goes to have molds made of her mouth for braces in 2 weeks. Talking with Bruce, we are feeling her out to see about what she thinks about Santa. Going to a Catholic school, they seem to hold onto the belief longer. Just like Tyler, she will be told if you don't believe, you don't receive. And don't spoil it for your little sister. Speaking of Tyler, he seems to be doing great at school. We don't hear much from him, as he has always kept to himself. He tells us that he is getting good grades in all his classes. When he was home for Thanksgiving, I noticed that his school email account was requesting a password change, so I lost my ability to keep tabs. Trying to find the time to do shopping, find what I want to get everyone. and stay sane this season. Bought new computers the HP thru employee discounts and received 2 Nook Simple Touches free. Was planning to give one to Bruce, but he went and bought an I-Pad Mini. Now what to do with them as they are not returnable. The desktop computer came today, just waiting on the laptop now. Bruce is being Santa twice this coming weekend--at my store and at the neighborhood event. Just have to figure out how to keep the girls occupied as none of the kids don't know that Bruce does this. He has been doing this for over 20 years. As the years have turned, the need for him to use pillows for the mid section have reduced as the natural padding has taken over. Hope everyone enjoys their days. Remember the reason for the season. Lori

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. Tomorrow I will talk to Bruce about Joshua again. I had gotten an additional bonus at work that will cover most of the homestudy cost I am thinking. Then I will get serious after that in applying for adoption grants and coming up with fundraising for his adoption. I know most likely heat his answer will be, especially after the afternoon and evening we have had with Chrislande today. She can't seem to stay still very long today. Today is the first day of the weekend and also a medicine free day. He doesn't know how to cope. Wish I had the resources to help her cope with all that is racing thru her mind. It's like the wheels are spinning so fast that she just can't find a way to slow down. Poor baby. It is very tiring on us though as we struggle thru this. Any ideas? All that I can think about is fitting Joshua into our family. How I would find a position doing maybe merchandising on my own time schedule so that I could work with him. Still waiting to see if there might be a position with that friend. Haven't heard from her lately. Must not be available. We went to look at a new bed yesterday, may be getting a king size bed, the space would be great as it has been almost 15 years since we bought a bed when we had to replace a waterbed that sprung a leak. Found one we like, just want to see what else is out there. The girls did fine today as both of us had to work this morning. Told them that we would take them to Appleton if the worked together getting their chores done, so we are doing a road trip tomorrow, yeah. Tyler came home last weekend, it sure was great to see him again. Really do miss him around here. He seems to be doing okay with his classes, getting good grades and all. Just apparently had some trouble by getting a noise violation one night and now he has to clean his record. Only know this since I still have access to his college email account. Hopefully he doesn't change his password. The 4-legged kids are doing naughty things, at least I think that the blind new is. I seem to more pee marks on my carpeting than I had before. So frustrating, I just get them cleaned and he starts doing it again. Need to find something that will deter him so he doesn't keep doing it. Apparently the spray I have isn't doing the trick. Work just isn't fun anymore. Have an assistant manager being forced to step down and now he feels that he should be able to dictate what his schedule should be in one of the key months, I don't think so. He didn't follow thru yesterday with his tasks, so will be interesting to see what he will accomplish this, his last weekend. Battery running low, time to recharge--till tomorrow. Lori

Gotta love your boss

Today I had my annual performance evaluation. Never mind that I am on vacation and that I had to drive 1.5 hours to attend it. Apparently I am doing a good job, having improved from last year, not enough to raise my score/grade. I am so very tired of doing what is expected--even going above and beyond, only to be beat up on my performance. I have over 34 years with this company, never had a problem till this anal controlling person was put as our district head. He has it out for 8 of us for some reason. My store makes money, I stay on top of programs, I score high in employee engagement. I am so pissed, I have talked to that friend that I know and she has a part time position--15/20 hours at $16/hour. I am taking it, getting my foot into hotel management, then leaving when the time is right. Going full time with them. Or maybe I will contact kwiktrip also, like most of our employees that are fed up with the way our company is going. Looking into getting our windows replaced. Have someone coming tomorrow and on the 17th for estimates. Can't wait to see what that cost is going to be. We have 15 windows that we would need to replace. Will update this weekend.

Wish I knew how

I wish I knew how to find a way to bring another child to our family. We are trying to get rid of credit card debt by taking out a loan against my profit sharing account after paying down the debt thru a debt management company the last 3 years. We still aren't where I would like to see us financially, but we are improving. Now Tyler has started college and since we didn't set up any accounts we are having to take out loans to help with his schooling. Ugh. It just seems never ending. I know we have the hearts to bring him into our lives, but the finances still scare me. How can I find a way to fix that? We have changed so much already in our lives. You see other families that seem to have less, with more debt be able to feel comfortable bringing in other children, children with or without special needs. I pray nightly for a sign that this is meant to be, butas of yet no sign has appeared. I have even asked a friend about doing part-time work for them to try and raise money. Please help me see that yes we are meant to be Joshua's family or not.

Please pray

Please pray for the people in Haiti. For our daughter's orphanage, that they weather the storms upon them tonight. They have been thru so much already.